By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I will pee on everything he values.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
