This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless