she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Enjoy the penises
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.