i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.