I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law