we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven