Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
