drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Never let your siblings swipe right.