I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
