how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
