don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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