btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
