I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
