yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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