you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
