just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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