Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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