Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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