I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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