How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
