I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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