Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
