and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
