I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
