I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
