Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
