I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
