What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
