I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
