dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
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future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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