ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My vagina just clenched in fear
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