i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
