i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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