you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
