Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
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