i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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