I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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