rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
