rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
