yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
