So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
