so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
