he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
