Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
