i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
