he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
