i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
