3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
