Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
