is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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