glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
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