happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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