can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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