i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
