I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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