So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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