just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
