I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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