seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
