I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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