My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
