he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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