Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
