I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
