apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
