Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
