dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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