Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
