There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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