seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
