All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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